The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
