I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
