I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
