she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
