so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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