I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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