how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
