My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
