I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
