I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
