If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
