I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
