Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
