Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
