mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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