Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
