Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
