Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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