im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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