I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
