come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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