so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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