Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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