i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
