Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize