Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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