He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
