im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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