he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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