I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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