i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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