Can i not drive my cunt home
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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