they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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