I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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