You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
