I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
