Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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