How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
