I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ugly people sure do ruin things
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
