The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
