Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
