i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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