Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize