It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
