Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
