why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize