He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
