Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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