Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
