If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
