Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
