I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
