Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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