she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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