I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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