does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
