im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
