Why does Corona taste like a burp?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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