he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
