If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
