FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
