He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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