go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
