I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
