I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
