She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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