you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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