Dual....:-)
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
