my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
