; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My ass is underappreciated
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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