I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
