Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
