Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
