ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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