whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
BRING THE BAGELS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize