I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
