i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
